When your man always acts like a total jerk in front of you, when he constantly hurts your feelings, or when he feels that you are worthless and unlovable, can you turn him on? No doubt, you will not stand much of a chance unless his mind about you changes dramatically.
When it comes to how to make your man passionate about you, probably you immediately think of sex. Yes, your man may still be interested in having sex with you, even if you and he live together in constant emotional tension. However, sex is never the major aspect of the marital relationship that he has to work hardest at. Sex is not the main part that maintains the long-lasting passion for marriage and makes your man committed to the relationship; instead, the main part is rooted in the fulfillment of his deep emotional needs.
Therefore, if you want him to be deeply engaged in the marital relationship, you need to pay more attention to his inner emotions and mind, especially the unspoken need – a man needs to feel respected in a long-term relationship.
To make this point clear, let’s take a specific case: Daniel was still single and he had two women around him, these two women both expressed interest in him, and both of them were also attractive to him. Although they both used compliments to spark conversations and showed him their appreciation, the way they did so is quite different.
The first woman (let’s call her Daisy) sat at a table with Daniel and several other acquaintances when she approached him. In the beginning, she talked in hushed tones for some minutes with her girlfriend sitting beside her, and she giggled a lot; then she suddenly turned to him and said, “You will look sexy with your shirt off.” She had a silly grin and felt no shame for her boldness.
By contrast, the other woman (let’s call her Michelle) approached Daniel one day as he and she both walked down a sidewalk after attending the same social activity. She walked beside him for a while, making small talk before slightly changing from a gentle tone to a serious tone. She calmly said to him, “I was deeply impressed with your performance in that activity”, looking him in the eye at that moment. And she continued, “I believe your wisdom will take you a long way”.
In the case above, which one would Daniel prefer to marry ultimately? Was it Daisy or Michelle?
The truth is that these two women both got his attention, but only Michelle caused him to feel deeply respected – he experienced true respect from Michelle at the moment, and he could see a good version of himself in a long term relationship with her. Eventually, Daniel chose Michelle.
When a man is feeling respected and valued by a woman, he is more willing to welcome her into his life and promise her his heart. And no man wants to lose the deep respect that a woman holds for him, especially after he deeply feels trust for the woman. In the example above, Daisy also got his attention, but Daniel felt like she saw him as some kind of plaything. Even though she may genuinely pay a compliment, he did not feel respected – he may feel that she was not respecting “him”, “the deeper him, the real him.
Feeling respected is the emotional need that matters most to him.
Men look at relationships differently from women. And a lot of things that matter to your man may strike you as small or petty. Maybe you think respect is not the thing that matters most to you, but it affects your man’s willingness to work hard for the long-term relationship; and your actions, words, and attitudes towards him tell him how much you respect him.
A man needs to feel respected even more than loved:
It is far easier for most women to love their men than to respect them. Even as time passes, a lot of women forget how to respect their men. Interesting enough, it is easy for many women to show respect towards their family, coworkers, and friends, but in their most intimate relationships, they exhibit disrespectful behavior towards their men from time to time. For example, you may have ever seen a woman screaming at her man in public, or you may have ever heard a woman calling her man an asshole.
Although many women admit that they did disrespectful things, they often justify their disrespectful behavior as a way to express love and concern. So ask yourself how many times you have carelessly ridiculed your man, and maybe you have also ever deliberately made some tart comments about your spouse but you have always masked them as “constructive criticism”…
Before talking about how to respect your man, it is necessary to gain an in-depth understanding of what respect means and what love means:
Respect is: “I acknowledge that you are your own person, and I consider your boundaries all the time”. Love is: “I have already seen your vulnerable side, but I will still be there for you”. However, a lot of women do not establish solid and healthy boundaries with their men, and they don’t treat their men the same way they treat their good friends. Probably, you are also a member of that group of women.
As explained above, you might ask yourself whether you have ever felt justified to do something offensive to him, or ask yourself whether you have ever disrespected him without realizing it in time? For instance, you would never check your friends’ phones and emails without their permission, because you know well that you need to respect their privacy; however, maybe you have ever gone through your man’s phone without his permission, although you are sure that he does not want you to do things in a sneaky way; and even you still attempt to retort upon him in a seemingly reasonable manner after he catches you spying on him.
Sometimes, under the guise of love, many women feel justified to behave disrespectfully to their men because they think that unconditional love means loving each other no matter what. However, this concept is wrong. Unconditional love must be based on healthy boundaries. Besides that, disrespect and love can not coexist, which means most of what they call love is not love, actually it is just attachment. Attachment is when people have got used to staying together with other people being there, they just want those people out of habit. Hence, for a woman who disrespects her man, she wants him just as much as she is attached to certain foods or clothes. As regards her attachment, she does not care whether she is critical, judgmental, selfish, narcissistic, or jealous. She only cares about whether her needs get met.
To better understand how important your respect is for your husband, try to understand from his perspective:
Usually, men would not like to open their mouths to ask their women to give more respect to them, and they just want their women to do it voluntarily. And maybe you have not exactly understood why respect is so important to him, after all, you are not men and you seldom hear him mention it. To help you better understand him, a related survey reveals some men’s points of view about what their women’s respect means for them, such as below:
- “My wife’s respect towards me expresses her trust for me, and I believe trust is not going to exist unless respect exists first”.
- “Her respect gives me the confidence that I am capable of finishing difficult tasks”.
- “Her respect acknowledges my leadership and helps me defeat passivity in my life”.
- “She still retains a deep respect for me, even though I was at my low point in life. I still remember when I ever lost my job, I felt so discouraged and demoralized, but my wife remained supportive, she spoke words instilling confidence in me and provided an optimistic expectation of what will come”.
- “Her respect gives me encouragement to keep myself going, and I just want to love her more afterward”.
True respect should be demonstrated, rather than just be spoken with words:
For a husband who works hard for his marriage, he should be emotionally open to his woman, he should be willing to work through all sorts of problems, he should be devoted to his wife, he should be happy to spend time with the family, and he should always value his marriage and family above all else… Surely, you also want your man to be that kind of person. However, if you do not know to develop your relationship based on true respect, you can not expect your man to do so.
Like a lot of married women, maybe, you are also good at effectively demonstrating love and care, but meanwhile, you also think little of what your respect towards him means to him as well as the relationship.
Again, in marital relationships, a man needs to feel respected by his wife, and he puts this emotional need above other needs. And respect can be reciprocated in turn after you give him respect, and mutual respect contributes to a more loyal relationship.
For more tips about how to please your husband and keep him happy, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance. It lays out a series of important principles that you should adhere to strengthen the relationship with your man.
Make your husband obsess about you again – Key steps to remain happily married.